The Myth of the Quilt Police
We’ve all heard of them— the grumpy quilters who check to make sure your points are pointy & your seam allowances impeccable. The ones who can never find anything nice to say, and always criticize your fabric choices. Who are these Quilt Police, and what should we do about them?
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Hot take: There are no quilt police.
We made them up.
“Who??” You may be asking. “Who made them up?”
We did— we the quilters.
First, a caveat: Criticizing a quilt a la the Quilt Police is very different from quilt show judging. There are rules to show judging, and quilts entered into the “game” of a show are expected to strive toward the “rules” or “standard” of the game— that just makes sense. Extreme Excellence in competitive quilting is a no brainer.
But most of the quilts we make aren’t for shows. They’re for our kids, our sofas, our beds, our walls, our dining table. What’s the big deal about perfect points there?
I’m all for excellence, but the attitude and ugliness ascribed to the Quilt Police is not excellence. It is toxic perfectionism.
But the part that really kills me, the more I think about it, is how afraid we are of something that doesn’t exist.
The Quilt Police are a myth.
Sure, there are quilters who say unkind things. But that is simply the outpouring of the closest thing to Quilt Police there is— the Inner Mean Grump (IMG) that lives in each of our heads.
Let me tell you a story:
Once upon a time, as the snow finally melted and trees began to bloom, a group of quilters decided it would be nice to show off their quilts before packing them away for the summer, especially the nice new ones they’d just finished. So all the quilters in the town picked a date and planned a spring festival. That day, every quilter in town hung their favorite quilts out over fences and tree limbs, porch rails and clothes lines. The town had never looked so beautiful! Each of the quilters walked through town admiring the quilts. Even though they loved seeing their friends’ work, teach quilter saw something in every one else’s quilts that they liked better than they liked their own quilts. And thus the Quilt Police were born in the hearts and minds of every quilter in town.
Embarrassed by their own critical spirit and unsure how to be honest about their feelings, the Quilters blamed their critiques on others, “My friend said…. The Quilt Judges say… The shop owner in the next town taught me…” None of these statements were lies exactly, all the quilters referenced had the Quilt Police inside them too, but they were much more projections of inner uncertainty than they were truths.
There is no “Patient 0” of the Quilt Police— we all have an IMG. And because we are embarrassed, we have perpetuated the myth of the Quilt Police. Sometimes, we even make the myth come true by saying unkind things about our own or someone else’s quilt.
Time to Bust the Myth
Iyanla Vanzant said, “Comparison is an act of violence against the self.”
So how do we, like Professor Lupin’s confident wave of the wand against a Boggart, banish the Quilt Police?
It’s time to quit the perfectionistic game of comparison. Unhealthy comparison fails to honor our own efforts, passion, and skill to make lovely quilts. Unhealthy comparison sees a beautiful quilt, feels that rush of envy, and critically concludes, “I could never do that” Or, worse, “Ugh, there they go showing off again.”
Some of y’all just felt a wave of shame or defensiveness that I said envy.
Envy can be toxic when it becomes self-criticism or wishing ill on someone else. But envy, like all emotions, primarily gives us information.
Betty Jamie Chung said: “Comparison with myself brings improvement, comparison with others brings discontent.”
Question the envy. Is the envy showing you something you want? An area you would like to strengthen your skills? I think it is likely the motivation behind a lot of our quilt envy is something like, “I would really like to make quilts with consistently sharp points because it looks crisp.” or “I would really like to finish my own quilts and create my own quilting designs because that looks really cool.”
Honestly, those are pretty great motivations, and healthy desires for excellence. Focus on those motivations and begin pursuing our own growth in quilting!
We don’t have to be embarrassed by our quilt envy— we just have to be honest about it and honest about the desires it reveals.
Then, “Ridikulous!” The Quilt Police are gone!
Final Thoughts
My little parable simplifies all of this quite a lot, I’ll admit, but I think it is vital for us to recognize that our harshest critic is not “out there,” but the very voice in our own heads. Only by recognizing the true source of this critical spirit can we begin to address, rebuke, and banish it.
My coach Glo Atanmo says, “The person having the most fun wins.”
Instead of feeling embarrassed about our IMG or perpetuating the myth of the Quilt Police, let’s focus on having a darn good time while we quilt. Bonus points if we’re having a darn good time together!
(Click HERE to join the Quilting Rockstars Facebook group if you need a fun, supportive community!)